Grrr…Hanii ko…..Testing lang po ….

hmmmmmmmmmmmm….yeah…it works

Welcome to haniiblog!

I love you sooo sooo much hanii ko…..my asawa……….mwah mwah….mwah

Inevitable

I had a serious but nice conversation with a friend. I never expected it to light a bulb in my head, but it did. Something in her advice made me feel that the grave I’ve dug myself into is escapable. Somehow. That it was maybe, ok to feel this way and then do something about it. For my peace of mind (and heart)…

Here’s Another One

Flight of the Lovers

Twinkling lights in the distant sky
Blackness illuminated up high
Wind blowing against the trees
Stirring up echoes of forgotten days
The cold air whisper secrets hidden
Of love and of the forbidden
Fate has dealt a painful blow
To the helpless before it go
For lovers who wail in mourning
Hearts full of hope and longing
Tomorrow will see no daylight
As today ends in tearfull flight

October 7, 2006 – 3pm Philippine Time

Those Days…

It’s one of those days. Days when you seem stuck in limbo. You can’t move forward or backwards even if you wanted to. Like being stopped in your tracks when all you wanted was to be able to think clearly. Man, clarity seems like such a far-fetched idea at the moment. I’m somewhere between heaven and gehenna and beyond human intervention. I’m in a self-constructed bubble where I’m the master of my actions. Everyone else’s opinions are secondary, non-existent even. I want to stay in this world for a while. I can do whatever I want and never have to think about the consequences of my decisions in life.

I’ve never been a wild child nor delinquent teener in my younger days. Yet here I am, older and none the wiser. The wheels of life turn forward but it never goes back. There’s no turning back…Now that’s a scary thought. Everything you do from the moment you decide to do it will be actions beyond rectification. It either spawns pain or joy. Light or dark. Smile or tears. Isn’t it too much to ask of one person who is just trying to get through life as quietly as possible?

I told you. It’s one of those days.

Start of Something New

I was in the deepest rut ever last Friday. Now I’m ashamed to say that all the crap that I thought, did and say that day was based on nothing. Shame, shame, shame on me. There was only one thing good that happened that day, I wrote a really nice poem. Depressing, but still nice. IMO, one of the best I’ve written so far. Hehe. How to feel inspired? Be depressed. It really messes up your mind, which is the best condition for writing great poems. Hahaha! I wonder if the great poets of our time had the same opinion. If so, they must be seriously loony by the time they wrote all those great poems.

Speaking of loony…I’ve just committed myself to doing something totally new for the next 2 weeks. It’s something left-field of what I’ve been doing for the past decade. I’m like stressing over it right now. Arrrgh! I’ve never been more scared to do anything in my life than this. I’m in the point of my life where everything should be rosy-peachy and relatively routine that anything out of the ordinary makes me hesitant. I have certain expectations of myself that makes it hard for me to venture into new territory. Still this one is worth a try. Be brave little one…=)

With this I cry

I’ve never been so inspired to write poems than now. Only extreme emotions can make me pick up a pen and write things down as if my life was an open book to tell. There’s no excuse for wallowing in depressing thoughts, but more often than not, it helps to somehow get it out in the open than keep it bottled up. Without going to specifics, I’ve found a healthy way of dealing with times like this. I reveal a lot but nothing at the same time.

For all the musings of yesterday and today, here is what I’ve accomplished…

Sighs of a Melancholic

Emotions fleeting like fireflies at night
In midnight slumber I awake
Hearing distant rumblings as if in a dream
Yet, is it a dream?

Half-awake in the gloom, alone
Chilled soul gripped in a lamenting tone
I whisper words of comfort to no one
Has my world come undone?

The darkness consumes me
My heart cries icy tears of misery
I pray for solace in the pitch blackness
As shadows dance around my sadness

I attempt to close my eyes once more
Hoping for sleep to come ashore
The unrelenting thoughts of yesterday
I fought hard to keep at bay

Slowly losing consciousness and sight
My mind wanders through the twilight
Wrestling with the last vestiges of wakefulness
I fall at last into the abyss of darkness

October 6, 2006 – 1pm Philippine Time

I couldn’t think of a better title

Misguided Darkness

like a house of cards without a king
the queen stares out at nothing
blinded by the spades of despair
hearts bleed like a dam without care

seeing flashes like diamond lights
the queen waits for her king’s plight
in darkness again she wallows
without certainty she follows
the path of her king’s shadows

Oct.4,2006 11am Philippine Time

Beeezy

Been a long time. Been too busy with work and with life that I didn’t have time to even think about writing my thoughts down.

Haah! Can’t believe I finished a poem! It has been a while since I’ve last written one. This one just shows you how mature I’ve become. From mushy teenage crush type of poems to really deep and thoughtful proses worthy enough to share.

Sadly, can’t find the courage to share this one.